True life story case study of
abortion
THE
CHOICE
case study:
Sally Garneau
I learned that I was
pregnant of the age of eighteen, shortly after moving in with my
boyfriend. Feeling scared and insecure, I didn't know how a baby
would fit into my future. Upon seeking counsel from friends and
family, it seemed logical to consider abortion as an option. After
all, I was young, pretty and intelligent. I had my whole life ahead
of me.
It was a shock to learn
that I was near the 6th month of my pregnancy. This fact certainly
complicated matters. It would mean that I would have to have a
different, more costly kind of abortion. With the support of those I
valued most, I made a decision. An appointment was set for one week
later.
My boyfriend and I arrived
at the hospital early one morning in April. After the initial
screening I was shown to an examining room where the lethal dose of saline
was injected into my womb. Within minutes, I was led to a hospital
room where they informed me that I could expect some cramping, a little
worse than a normal period, and that it should be all over in about 24 to
48 hours. There was nothing left to do but wait for my body's
"natural" ability to expel the unwanted fetus. In other
words, give birth to my dead baby. I was instructed to remain in the
bed and to call the nurse after I had the baby.
There were six girls in the
hospital room all together. At first we had a great time! Time
was abundant as many family members and friends came and went. It
was not until the first "birth" that the atmosphere changed.
Slowly laughter was replaced with fear and pain, curiosity gave way to
sorrow; and a solemn quiet crept over the room. It was in the
moments that followed that my life changed forever.
I'm still surprised at how
little physical pain there was. It was similar to having a bowel
movement - until I became curious and looked under the covers to see what
was there - and that instant when i saw a baby, red and bloody and small,
but a baby still. I quickly covered myself back up and called the
nurse.
THE EMOTIONS OVERWHELMED
ME AFTER THE ABORTION
While I waited, I became
terrified that "it" wasn't dead. Lying in the same bed
with me was flesh and blood. The emotions that overwhelmed me in
that moment were so strong that my body reacted with violent,
uncontrollable shaking. Tears streamed down my face and panic
gripped my heart.
It seemed that an eternity
passed before the nurse finally came. I watched her calmly close the
curtain and put on a pair of plastic gloves. As she lifted up the
sheet I turned my head. I couldn't watch as she placed my
"waste" in a white paper bucket. As she turned to go, what
was left of my childhood went with her, but somehow I managed to close my
mind to the events and go on.
Two years later my
boyfriend and I were married. Within three months I was pregnant
again but my husband never knew about it. We were separated at the
time and I didn't want him to use the baby as an excuse for us to get back
together. The relationship had become physically abusive and I
refused to go back.
This time I had a suction
abortion. Fortunately, there were not obvious side effects such as
excess bleeding or infection. I was in and out of the clinic within
a matter of hours. Yet another successful procedure to free me of
the awful burden of raising a child. Or so I thought!
I was forced to face the
truth of my choice while casually flipping through the channels on
television one day. My interest was caught by the picture of a baby
in the womb. Little did I know that I was watching the movie "The
Silent Scream." Better my very eyes I saw a baby being torn to
pieces by a tremendous force of suction. I saw it jerk away from the
metal instrument as if he or she felt pain and fear.
In horror, I realized that
this was a living being. Tears ran down my face as I flashed back to
my second abortion. This is what I did to my baby! Suddenly
the truth hit me and I knew there was no turning back. I had to face
what I had done and for the next five years, that's exactly what I did.
Through the pain of discovery comes growth and here is what I learned.
Why, if I felt too horrible
about having an abortion the first time, would I do it again? I saw
the baby dead before my every eyes, and yet i was able to convince myself
that it was okay to get rid of a second child. In total denial, i
was able to believe that I had made the right choice for the sole reason
that the truth was intolerable. The results of my choice were
devastating.
I HATED MYSELF - I HAD
SELF HATRED AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT
Without realizing it, the
afternoon that they put my baby in a bucket was the beginning of self
hatred. I lost the value of life. This was evidenced by my
divorce and what came after. I became more deeply involved in a
destructive lifestyle; sex with many men, drugs and alcohol. Even in
the few serious relationships I had, I allowed physical, verbal and sexual
abuse because, subconsciously, I believed that I deserved it. Over
10 years of destructive habits and relationships were triggered by one
very bad choice.
The complications of
abortion were not limited to emotional and mental anguish. No matter
how safe I thought abortion was, I still live with the consequences that I
may not be able to have any more children. My doctor has informed me
that I have a tremendous amount of scar tissue in my uterus; a direct
result of scraping the womb after the babies were removed. In
addition to that, two surgeries and many sleepless nights have been spent
over a condition called endometriosis. I suspect it is directly
related.
I have experienced abortion
and I'm convinced it is murder. Yes, murder of innocent babes, who
never got a chance at life. YET ABORTION IS SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.
Abortion not only affects the life of the unborn child, but also the life
of the mother. I can say from my own experience that a part of ME
died each time I gave into my own self-centeredness and exerted my
"right to choose."
In my ignorance, I made
choices that are irreversible. As a result, I lost a valuable part
of me - MY SELF RESPECT. But I also lost much more. Because of
my choice, I learned to neglect an important part of my responsibility as
a person. TO VALUE HUMAN LIFE. Two lives were dependent upon
me to protect them. Without me, they would have never known life.
Because of me, we all learned about death.
I LIVE WITH CONSTANT
REGRET - REGRET & GUILT FOR KILLING MY BABIES
To anyone who is thinking
of having an abortion, I would say that as I go on living my life, the one
I tried so hard to proect from the inconveniences of raising
children, I have learned to live with regret and guilt. But you
don't have to. Today, you will have the opportunity to choose life
and experience the great privilege that only a woman can know. Yes,
others may think that you are too young and immature to handle this
responsibility, but you are the one who may have to live with the guilt an
shame if you choose to end a life instead.
Consider how your choice
will affect you now and in the future. Know what the dangers are to
your body and your mental health. Find out what your options are.
If you decide to keep your baby or give it up for adoption. Whatever
you do, be sure to consider all the consequences. After all, it
is your choice, but the life you destroy may be your own.
This testimony is
excerpted with permission from the brochure "The Choice" by
Sally Garneau. For more information, contact the author at (530)
223-5474. Published in The PostAbortion Review 6 (3) Summer
1998.
TRUE LIFE
ABORTION STORY
- in her own words - by: ALEX
My name is Alex, I am
currently 27 years old, married with 3 children. My story begins in
January 1991, when I became very sick with what I was sure was the simple
flu. My boyfriend (now my husband of more than 7 years) took me to
the doctor because I just couldn't shake whatever it was I had.
Approximately 2 hours later we found out that I was around 2 months
pregnant.
Needless to say we were
more scared than we had ever been. We were both 19 years old at the
time, in college (we graduated high school in 1989 - myself the
Valedictorian), and both expected to go very far in life. I was also
having quite a bit of trouble with my parents because they really didn't
care for Steve.
All that said, we were
faced with the most frightening choice we had ever had and have since ever
had to deal with, especially since I was brought up strong Catholic and
had always been opposed to abortion with all my heart.
Later that afternoon I had
my first ultrasound to determine exactly how far along I was. At
this point we were beginning to think of any option we possibly had, but
all that came to mind was "Why us? Why now?"
Throughout the next month
we made up our minds and changed our minds at least a thousand times.
We didn't want to throw our lives away after all that we had worked for,
neither did we want to cause any more tensions with my family.
The month quickly drew to
an end, and we made our decision and an appointment.
The previous day I was
sicker than normal (which is very very sick), but I was sticking to my
decision. I could not afford to give up my life. That night I
fell asleep and woke up early the next morning after the most vivid dream
I had ever had. This dream has changed my life forever. The
surroundings in the dream were pitch black, I was standing center stage in
what appeared to be a spotlight. There was this little boy tugging
on my skirt. All he said, over and over was "Mommy, please
don't hurt me."
I fully awoke and just
shook off the dream, not truly believing. I went to my appointment,
went through the counseling, and was led into the room. I undressed,
got up on the table, and placed my feet up into the stirrups. The
doctor began to place the instruments inside me, when I heard the voice
again. I closed my legs immediately and began crying. I
couldn't do it.
Steve and I were married 2
weeks later (in the Church) and our son Nicholas (who with the grace of
God had spoken to me just 2 months earlier) was born July 12, 1991, 5
weeks early (but in better shape than I was).
Nicholas is now 7 and he
has a 5 year old sister Alli, and a 16 month old baby brother Joshua.
Steve and I have struggled throughout these years, but have always made
ends meet. We have both managed to achieve our dreams even without
college. Steve a computer programmer, and myself a graphic artist.
We have never been happier or more fulfilled.
There are still times when
I look at Nick and tears come to my eyes and the most horrible pain to my
heart, and I wonder how I could have ever considered what I had almost
done. I don't think I will ever get over the pain.
I hope this story of my
life can be useful and help someone, because I know there is hope where
there is faith and trust in God.
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